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Welcome to my blog! I share my feelings, tips and tricks with you here and want to help you on your mom journey.
Questioning my career
What I found when I was cleaning the other day threw me back into a spin of my working days. I never thought I'd be at the point I am now. I thought I was never going to be able to stay home with my kids. I felt that I was always going to have to work and my student loan debts were never going away.
I also would be left exhausted, overwhelmed, overworked and underpaid. I questioned why I even became a nurse, I would ask myself these questions, "Why did I want to become a nurse? Why do I have to go to work? Why am I continuing to burn myself out?" I knew I needed a nursing career break but I wasn't sure how to get there. We had four kids and a mortgage payment!!!
I would leave home guilty that my kids wanted me and needed me, and then I would leave work guilty that I might have forgotten something. The guilt was real every day I went to work. Don't mention the fact that all the work at home was piling up (the behind the scenes stuff too like bills and organizing and all the tasks beyond just everyday tasks like dishes and laundry). It's enough for a mom to go insane.
I would ask my husband if I could quit work and he would dangle the "student loan" problem over my head. But yet we continued to spend frivolously and never paid off any student loans.
And so the cycle continued. I would work and have burnout only to spend excess money because it was there to spend. A never ending cycle of buy, broke, buy, broke, until I realized ENOUGH. We were expecting baby number five and you know what I had to do?
Work Christmas Eve and Christmas day DUE to have a baby. I had to miss Christmas with our small family. I had to work Christmas while I could go into labor at any time. At least I was in the right place at the hospital if I went into labor.... But that was the straw that broke the camels back and I had to put my foot down.
It was then that I made the decision that I could no longer keep up with everything and my kids needed me. I transitioned to a casual position for about a year after baby Z was born and we transitioned to one income.
The student loan debt is still there. But there are things you can do to work with the loan company. We were able to qualify for a $0 income based pay program. I know it still has to get paid eventually... but at least now I am able to focus on my family and my life without the student loan debt hanging there like mistletoe waiting for you to kiss it goodbye.
I don't regret the decision to transition to one income, because now I currently am not working at all. I am able to fully focus on working from home, and my family at the same time. I have freedom now to do what I want to do, I don't have work calling me to "pick up one more shift" or a co-worker asking to switch shifts or holidays or whatever. I am FREE to do what I want, when I want, IF I WANT now!!! (besides mothering, that's still a mandatory task :-) but you get my drift)
We still are tight on finances, but you know what??? I don't regret that at all. I have had to tighten our budget and spending but guess what? We still have a roof over our heads, food on the table. and much happier kids that their mom is home all the time with them. The bills still get paid. Don't ask me how, ask the man upstairs who provides for our needs.
faith in god first
I have had to put my faith and trust in God that he knows what is best for our family, and lean into the message God has given our family and myself. It was hard to put my career on hold, but I knew that this was the best decision I could make for our family.
Now I can watch all the milestones without feeling guilt that I may not see the next milestone. I don't have the guilt of not picking up a shift at work. I don't have the guilt that was pressing me about leaving my kids. Now I can choose when or IF I want to leave the kids to do something.
So making your decision to stay home with your kids will always be something you won't regret. I do miss the work life sometimes, which OH by the way, that thing I found while cleaning was my old badge reel. That's what "threw me back" right into reminiscing about my old work days. (that YES I do miss. I miss putting my scrubs on, my stethescope around my neck, my tennies and socks, my pen and chapstick in my
pocket and usually my pump in tow.
the things i miss
I miss walking into work and getting report from the outgoing nurses, and getting right to work on medications, tasks and taking care of others. I miss leaving work feeling like I made a difference in people's lives. I miss those thank you's and cute old people who were so happy to have you to talk to. I miss those little babies who would look so sick but you knew you were helping them, I miss all of those days.
But now I have the honor of fully and completely raising my own children, the children that God has given us. The children that are the future and need these building blocks of life taught to them. It is an honor and a blessing to be a mother, one that I don't take lightly. Some days are hard yes, it's not easy being a mother, but becoming a full time mother has given me so much freedom now.
seasons of life
I can always go back to nursing if I wish. But right now is a different season of life, and one that I never thought I'd get to. Keep praying for your answers, sometimes an unanswered prayer is what we get, and sometimes we get our prayers answered. Faith and trust in the Lord has kept me going when I am weakest, and it is in God whom I trust. I trust that this season is for a reason. I trust that he has given me these moments so that I can really appreciate what he has given us.
Put your trust in God and know that he has a plan, that he will guide you in your decisions! May God bless you and your family as you make your tough decisions as well.
I am here for you if you need a helping hand, have a wonderful day!!!
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You got this mama!!!
Kara- The Mom Nurse
P.S. When you are ready, here are a few things that I can help you with:
~Finding Yourself-(A FREE guide to re-defining your inner strengths)
~Join the Facebook Group Here. This is for kind and tender-hearted nurse mama's like yourself, that are needing a little support in your life!
~The Idea Cloud. It's what I created to keep your kids off the screen and busy doing things that I did as a kid! :-)